The Five Languages of Self Love (and how to put them into practice)

Kaitlyn Rose

30 Mar, 2023

The five love languages have become a sort of personality test over the last several years. If you don’t know what they are or where they come from, “The Five Love Languages” is a book by Dr. Gary Chapman, written to help people form lasting relationships. The quiz he created for his subjects asks questions based on what would be more meaningful to an individual. Through a series of questions, he links the individual to five categories in varying degrees: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Most people have a little bit of stake in all of these categories.

I myself fall most heavily into the physical touch category; that is, I link the most meaning through physical closeness to the ones I love. I have high percentages also in words of affirmation and quality time. Though I find this quiz to be a bit bias, as it’s geared toward romantic couples, you can take the findings and apply them to other aspects of your life.

If you’re having a hard day, would your mom coming over and making you dinner ease the pain? Would a hug from your partner make you feel most cared for? Would a listening ear and a few kind words from a close friend make you feel most comforted? What if your mom is out of town? Your partner’s working late? Your friend has kids and other responsibilities and can’t spare the time or emotional effort? The relationships we often look to to ease our discomfort may not always be available. You may find, that the only relationship that is constant, unfailing, is the relationship you have with yourself.

So why not take the results from this quiz on love languages, and apply it to some self-care practices?

We’ll start with the one I’m drawn to most: physical touch.

Physical Touch

Get to know your body. Explore it with tenderness and care.

Somatic Hand Massage (5 minutes)

Put on a nice smelling lotion or some coconut oil with a drop of your favorite essential oil. Take a few minutes and rub it into your hands. Massage out your palms. Get in between each finger.
Put on a timer for one minute. Begin to rub your palms together vigorously. Feel the vibration that the friction causes.
Place your palms on your face. Breathe in the scent of the lotion or oils. Feel the warmth against your face. Take five (or more) deep breaths in through the nose and out through the nose.

Self-massage (15-30 minutes, or as long as you’d like)

Keep a bottle of lotion or body oil by your side. (This can be done in soft clothing without lotion as well, if you’d prefer.)
Massage each hand — fingers, palms wrists.
Move up the arms, massaging the shoulders, and the neck. Behind the ears. Explore the nape of the neck by the hairline.
Massage the scalp.
Move to the feet. Massage in between the toes, the soles and arches.
Move up the ankles, massage the calves, the backs of the knees, the thighs. Be present in your body and notice where your mind takes you.
Massage your belly and your chest. Say a few kind words to yourself. (I am soft, I am lovely, my touch is a source of love).

Use a weighted blanket or eye mask (however long you’d like)

Use a heated blanket or heating pad

Try EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) aka Tapping (10 minutes)

Tapping is a technique used to alleviate anxiety, reduce cortisol levels in the body, and release stress. By stimulating different acupressure points, tapping can return the body’s energy to balance. Try out the technique with this video.

Words of Affirmation

Repeat affirmations or mantras (1-3 minutes)

Some affirmations you might find helpful:

I am safe.
I am worthy of love.
I chose to be kind to myself.
I honor myself and my life.
I take the time today to treat myself with love and respect.

Sing It Loud or Bust a Move!

Think of a song that always makes you feel like you can take on the world (don’t worry, I’ve created a playlist of some of my favorites). Blast it in the car, in your bedroom, wherever you feel most free and sing it loud and proud. If you don’t like to sing or don’t feel comfortable singing, listen to the music anyway. Embrace the message or the feeling you get from the power of the song. Move your body and don’t be afraid to look silly.

Make a list of 5 things that make you worth loving

Add to it every day, or as often as you need to. Keep it in a note in your phone, in a journal, wherever it’s easy for you to access.

Make a list of 5 things you’re good at

Be your own hype man! You can do things that no one else can. You are cool for reasons you don’t even see because they’re part of your everyday. If you saw yourself from the outside, what would make you go, “wow, what a cool person!”? Write it down! Go back to it when you need a boost and add it it when you learn something new about yourself!

Be your own best friend!
If you’re in need of some love, write down the reasons why. Are you down on yourself for some reason? You had a bad body image day? You made a big mistake at work? You’re anxious about the outcome of an exam or job interview? Write to yourself as if you’re talking to a someone you love. Answer your own criticism with the love and care of a best friend.

Example:

You: I am so ugly and clothes look terrible on me. You (as your best friend): That’s really mean. You look beautiful, let’s find something comfy and watch a movie.
You: I can’t believe I messed up that presentation so bad. They should fire me, I’m so incompetent. BFF You: You got up and made a presentation. That takes a lot of guts. Everyone has off days. Take a rest today and if you feel like you need to make up for it, follow up with an email tomorrow.
You: I’m so awkward, I hate interviewing so much. BFF You: You’re awesome and any job would be lucky to have you. I’m sure interviewers feel awkward too. Meeting new people is awkward sometimes. And maybe that job wasn’t for you. Just remember that interviews are just conversations to find out if you with both benefit from the relationship.

Play around with it. Maybe you’re more of a “screw them, you’re awesome” type of best friend, or maybe you’re more of a realist best friend. But what you’re not is a mean best friend. Because you’re not friends with that person.

Quality Time

Top tip for this one — romanticize your life. Anything can feel like quality time if you’re intentional with your time. Going to the grocery store can feel like a special occasion if you find a new recipe you want to try, buy a bouquet of flowers for your kitchen table, and a bottle of wine to sip as you cook. But in case you want specific date-yourself ideas (besides the grocery store one, because honestly that sounds delightful), here’s a few!

Spa Night!

Light some candles or diffuse some essential oil
Put on a spa music playlist (I got you)
Draw a bath
Pour your favorite beverage or brew a cup of tea
Use a sheet mask or make your own DIY mask
Lotion your body (use some of the massage techniques from Physical Touch)
Paint your finger and toe nails (if that’s your thing)

Take a long walk or hike

Chose a route you don’t normally take
Bring snacks and/or a fruit-infused water
Take photos of anything interesting you see
Spend at least five minutes with no distractions — listen to the sounds of nature and take deep breaths of the fresh air
If you can manage, take the whole time without distraction of music or other audio. Allow your mind to wander. You can discover a lot about yourself and your thought patterns when there’s no other voices in your head but your own.

Go See A Movie

I’m a huge proponent of solo movie dates. Get the big popcorn and soda (but beware of having to get up to pee. Movies are really long these days.) Wear something comfy.

Find something new in your city (or a nearby town)

Sit in a coffee shop, visit a boutique you’ve never been in. Strike up a conversation with a stranger if you find comfort in social interaction.

Acts of Service

Be Intentional. Like with Quality time, something can feel like an act of service over a necessity when it’s done with intention. Cleaning and cooking may seem like chores but if you think of it as keeping a tidy home to make your living space less chaotic and fueling your body with nourishing meals you made with care, it feels more like an act of love. That being said, where your means allow, it’s never a sin to take shortcuts!

Declutter your closet

Clear your closet of things you no longer use or wear anymore. Remove pieces that don’t fit and donate them (or put them out of sight if you’re attached to them).

Clean one room in your house

Make it somewhere you can be cozy – your bedroom or the living room. Vacuum, dust, fluff the pillows. Wash the sheets and make the bed. Then allow yourself to live in the space. Curl up with a good book or throw on a favorite movie. Appreciate the space you’ve created for yourself.

Bring your car to the car wash!

Throw out all your trash, take in the empty travel mugs you’ve forgotten were under the passenger’s seat, vacuum the floor mats (usually car washes have industrial vacuums you can use, or pay a little extra and they’ll do it for you!) You’ll feel better getting in for your morning commute when the dashboard is dust free and the sweatshirt you threw in the back seat in October is stowed in your closet.

Order take out!

DoorDash and GrubHub are popular for a reason. Make Friday Pizza Friday (or sushi Friday, whatever floats your boat).

Use meal prep services or catering for meal prep

I’ve seen people on TikTok ordering catering from places like Panera or Chipotle and using it instead of meal prepping at home for the week. Save yourself time shredding a rotisserie chicken and eat the pre-made burrito bowl this week!

Receiving Gifts

We’ve all heard the old adage “it’s the thought that counts”. Well consider this when buying gifts for yourself. It can be hard, sometimes, to consider ourselves worthy of gifts when it’s not a special occasion. But little trinkets and gifts can mean the difference between a mundane day and a notable one. You work hard for the money you make and it’s okay to “treat yo self”.

Listen to Miley, buy yourself flowers.

Grocery store bouquets are usually pretty inexpensive and well designed. Trader Joe’s flower section has mini bouquets for less than $5! Take advantage and add some color to your gray day!

Drink up!

Maybe it’s not just the caffeine from your iced coffee that puts the pep in your step. Maybe it’s the ritual of buying yourself a little something to brighten your morning.

Make a wish list

When you see things in your social media feed that you really love but can’t justify buying for yourself right now, make a wish list. Save the link and come back to it when the paycheck comes in or when you really need a pick me up. If you’re feeling great now and so is your bank account, order the thing and put it away when it comes in the mail. Take it out and enjoy when a special something would lift your spirits.

Whatever your love language, you are reminding yourself that you are worthy of love through these acts. you are getting to know yourself better and how you can best take care for yourself. Being loved by others is such a gift and teaching someone how to love you is a skill that can be honed. Learning how to love yourself can help with this. But loving yourself is a cliche because it’s true. You are the longest relationship you’re ever going to be in. So find out what makes you feel special, feel valued, feel loved, and run with it.

Self-Care for the Chakras Series: Svadhisthana (Sacral Chakra)

Kaitlyn Rose

9 May, 2022

This is part of a series of blogs I’ve titled “Self-Care for the Chakras”. The chakras are a channel of energy in the body that begins at the base of the spine (root) and extends through the midline of the body up to the crown of the head. There are seven centers of energy along this channel that relate to different aspects of one’s being. When one or more of these channels are blocked for various reasons, they can manifest in mental and physical issues. In each blog post, I will give a general overview of the respective chakra and some ways to send some love and care to each one.

DISCLAIMER! The self-care tips I’ve outlined are meant to be taken as a token of self-love and are not intended as any sort of treatment plan. I’m not trying to tell you that by going for a walk, for example, you will be cured of disease and live happily ever after. I will always advise to seek professional help when you see fit. These are just some fun, simple ways you can bring some good energy into your body. Enjoy and let me know which ones you try out!

Svadhisthana, or the sacral chakra, is the chakra of emotion, of sensuality and sexuality, of creativity. Its color is orange and its element is water. In the body, it’s located behind the reproductive organs. Just as the root chakra can become blocked due to lack of basic needs, so can the sacral chakra if its needs are not met.

A blockage in the sacral chakra can present itself as a lack of inspiration or creativity (brain fog or writer’s block) or apathy to life. It can look like an excess or lack of libido, seeing sex as an obsession rather than a source of pleasure, connection, or procreation. In the physical body, it can present as chronic low back pain, ovarian cysts, UTIs, and other issues with the lower abdomen and pelvic floor.

When these things come up, you can send some extra attention to these needs in the form of acts of self care. (Some ideas were taken from this article on ArtofLiving.org and this article in the Yoga Journal.)

6 Acts of Self Care for the Sacral Chakra

Yoga

Poses that open up the sacrum and strengthen the pelvic floor will help rebalance this chakra.

Happy Baby
Pigeon (Or King Pigeon as pictured)
Goddess
Wide-Legged Seated Forward Fold
Dancer (Shiva’s Pose)

Arts & Crafts

Grab some paints, crayons, even just a pen and paper and start doodling. Let your mind wander and try not to criticize your work. If fine art isn’t your medium, try writing. Stream of consciousness, a short story, a poem. Anything to get the creative juices flowing.

Engage the Senses

Find a comfortable space. Take a few deep breaths. Notice what you see. Notice what you can smell, taste, hear, feel. Close your eyes and take a few more deep breaths. Notice the sensations in your body. Do you feel any aches or tension? Where do you feel your breath? Where do you feel energy?

Embrace H20

Photo by Chandler Cruttenden on Unsplash

Cold showers can get the energy of the body moving by activating the lymph system. Make sure to stay hydrated throughout the day as well! Drinking water helps cleanse the internal organs and promotes mental clarity.

Self-Massage or Couples Massage

Get some lotion or oil and give yourself a massage. It’s a great way to find connection with your own body. You can also trade massages with your partner as a way to connect and show affection.

Have good scents!

Light a candle, buy yourself some flowers, or whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies! Surround yourself with your favorite calming or energizing scents.

Try these out and see what works for you!

Self Care for the Chakras Series: Muladhara (Root Chakra)

Kaitlyn Rose

23 Apr, 2022

This is the first of a series of blogs I’m titled “Self-Care for the Chakras”. The chakras are a channel of energy in the body that begins at the base of the spine (root) and extends through the midline of the body up to the crown of the head. There are seven centers of energy along this channel that relate to different aspects of one’s being. When one or more of these channels are blocked for various reasons, they can manifest in mental and physical issues. In each blog post, I will give a general overview of the respective chakra and some ways to send some love and care to each one.

Today I will focus on the “root” chakra in honor of Earth Day. Muladhara (mul – root, adhara – support) is located at the base of the spine and the pelvic floor. Its element is Earth and its color is red.

Muladhara is the foundation for all the other chakras. It deals with basic human needs – food, water, shelter, safety, and emotional security. When these needs are not met, it can manifest in physical ways such as gastrointestinal issues and pain in the area of the chakra (lower back and legs), as well as emotional ways such as anxiety, fear, and eating disorders.

You can find balance by meeting the needs you are lacking. Getting enough food and sleep, finding movement, connecting with loved ones, maybe even connecting to a higher power through prayer or meditation are all ways to break through the blockages that may be in muladhara.

7 Acts of Self Care for the Root Chakra

Yoga

Focus on your connection to the earth. Try out these poses to send energy to the root chakra.

Yogic squat
Easy seat
Forward Fold
Tree pose
Child’s Pose

Dance to music with a heavy drum beat

Take a shower or bath

(Hot to calm and sooth, cold to bring energy to the body and cleanse the lymphatic system)

Take a walk in nature

Try it barefoot, if you can – see my post here about the benefits!

Work in the garden

Take care of your feet

Massage yourself or have a loved one do it for you.
Get a pedicure or do one at home!

Eat

Eat a delicious and nourishing meal (whatever that means to you) and eat it mindfully. Focus on the act of caring for yourself with food. Taste every bite and remind yourself that you deserve to eat.

Use a passed down family recipe
Finally make that one you’ve been eyeing up on Pinterest
Order take-out from your favorite local spot
Meal kits are a great tool if you have access to them. (HelloFresh is my go-to but there’s plenty of others out there!)
Ask a loved one to make you a meal or make one together.

Imagine doing all seven of these in one day. Think of how great you would feel? It might feel like a luxury to do yoga and dance and get a foot massage. But who says you need a special occasion to treat yourself with care? Find your connection to your roots, the things that we as humans need to survive and take them without apology. Happy Earth Day!

In Which Curiosity Saved The Cat (Spoiler alert: you are the cat!)

Kaitlyn Rose

21 Apr, 2022

What is every three-year-old’s favorite word?

“Why?”

Why do I have to eat my vegetables? Why do I have to clean up my toys? It can be frustrating, hearing “why, why, why?” day in and day out. It may feel like resistance. But it isn’t. It’s innocent curiosity. The child doesn’t yet have the wisdom to know that vegetables give them vitamins and energy that help them grow. Or that cleaning up after themselves is a task in learning responsibility. That is why we, as adults, have to teach them. But who teaches us?

Overtime, this baseline curiosity can sometimes turn to judgment. We decide we’d rather turn up our nose at something then ask that simple question: “why?”.

From a personal standpoint, I have noticed of late, my proclivity to judgement. I’m in a yoga teacher program, and with that, comes a lot of out-there teachings. Before going into the training, I thought I was all about the spiritual aspects of yoga. It has always been a mental outlet for me more than a physical one. I embraced the intentions and the “oms” in class. But throughout the weeks of training, there have been several times I’ve found myself judging some of the teachings, simply because I never considered earnestly them before. Things like energy healing and chakra clearing and ayurvedic cleansing practices.

As I dove deeper into training, I decided I would embrace whatever was being taught. I didn’t have to agree with everything, but I had to at least consider it and be curious. If for no other reason than being able to make an educated decision about what I wanted to take with me.

In being curious—diving into podcasts and readings on yoga and spirituality—I discovered interest in some things I would have judged previously. How chakras cleansing and Western medicine don’t have to be mutually exclusive. I learned about. I learned about my dosha (part of ayurvdea) and astrology, which I may have previously ignored or scoffed at, and now find it a fun and interesting avenue for self-discovery.

When you allow yourself to learn, your mind opens and you become a higher version of yourself.

But judgment doesn’t begin and end with education. We judge ourselves every day without even realizing it. For example, say your partner/child/roommate, leaves a dirty dish on the kitchen table instead of putting it in the dishwasher. You snap at them and and start to cry. It’s an overreaction, maybe. You tell yourself you’re a bad person, you’re crazy. You feel guilty and overly apologize. Instead of asking why you reacted in such a way, you immediately admonish yourself for acting out of line.

You could have first gotten curious and asked if this was part of a pattern? Does your child/partner/roommate ignore household chores often, even if you’ve asked them to help in the past? If not, why else might have you reacted in such a way? Did something else in your day trigger it? A stressful day at work? Or maybe it’s simpler than that, maybe it’s physiological—you haven’t eaten or slept enough.

When you approach yourself with compassion and curiosity rather than judgement, you’re more likely to think rationally and make changes so that incidents such as this are less likely to repeat themselves. You’ll be more likely to communicate your needs with your loved ones and have an open dialogue about how to make the household run smoothly. You’ll be more likely to tell your loved ones that you’ve had a really hard day and you need some extra love and care. You’ll be more likely to assess your work situation and note where adjustments can be made. You’ll be more attuned to your physical body and maybe eat an extra snack or work a nap into your afternoon.

Judging your emotions as “bad” or “wrong” will only bring guilt and shame. But if you’re curious about your emotions instead, and take time to understand yourself a little bit better, you may start to see yourself in a better light.

And, in turn, you may begin to see other people, experiences, and situations in a better light as well.

You're Not A Bad Person, You Just Have Tight Hamstrings

Kaitlyn Rose

26 Mar, 2022

So often, when I mention “yoga”, I’m met with one of two responses. Either the person will tell me about their yoga practice, which I love, or they say “I can’t do yoga because…”

“I can’t touch my toes”, “I can’t balance”, “I can barely breathe”, “I’m not flexible”.

There’s a stigma that yoga is only for a certain type of person. You may picture a thin white woman in a matching Lulu Lemon set, putting her knees behind her head. I’m not here to tell you that that’s not yoga. It is. That thin white woman probably practiced for years to get to that point of strength and flexibility. But I am here to tell you it’s not the only thing yoga is.

Yoga is exactly what you want it to be. Yoga can be five minutes of stretching and breathing before work. It can be an online class taken from your basement. It can be an hour of sweating in a one-hundred degree room. It might involve no movement at all. And it is for everyone.

Yoga, by definition, means unity. Unity of the mind, body, and spirit. Unity of us all. Yoga began in the East, but over centuries has transformed into a global practice of meditation and exercise. We must think of intersectionality and inclusivity when we think of yoga. So the person with a disability or chronic pain may think they will never do yoga, but if they can sit and notice their breath for five minutes, that’s yoga. It is not just for one type of person or one type of body. It has been dominated, at least in the social media space, by the Lulu Lemon-wearers of the world, but don’t let that stop you from experiencing all the wonderful benefits it has to offer.

Now, let us get into the main reason for this blog post — the supposed need to do things “the right way”. Part of what makes a yoga class great, is the modifications. So, a beginner can come in and get as much out of it as someone who’s been practicing for twenty years. When a teacher says “maybe stay here or maybe do…” XYZ variation, that teacher is not saying “you people who can’t do this pose aren’t good enough.” You get just as much benefit from a supported waterfall as you do from a forearm headstand. (Remember: blocks and other props are your friends!)

True, there are different classes suited for different levels of experience. You may not want to hop into a Hot 106 class (Bikram yoga) if you’ve never stepped on a mat. But most studios offer gentle classes, as well as restorative classes like Yoga Nidra or Yin Yoga. Not to mention, the pandemic has made most of us experts in the world of at home workouts.

“Yoga With Adriene”, the Youtube Channel by Adriene Mishler, is how I first learned yoga. She takes things slow, for the most part, and explains things in a simple and fun way that make you want to go back for more the next day.

So while you don’t need to do at home practice before entering a studio or a group class (most teachers will be happy to guide you through the poses), you may feel less intimidated if you know some of the terminology before hand.

One last thing I will tell you, is that yoga has no “end goal”. No matter your level, you may go into class one day and you can touch your toes and hold your high plank for minutes at a time. More power to you! But it doesn’t make the class where you’re creaky and tired any less effective. A yoga practice may increase your flexibility, and if that makes you feel good, that’s great! But flexibility and strength are not the only point of yoga.

The natural response to “I can’t do yoga because I’m not flexible” is “you don’t do yoga because you’re flexible, you do it to become flexible.” To an extent, this is both true and encouraging. But I would argue that even if you go to yoga every day and at the end of the year you still can’t touch your toes, you still have 365 days of mindful breathing, of meditation, and putting yourself first under your belt. So in the long run, being bendy doesn’t seem so important, does it?

There is no morality to how your body works and moves. You are not a failure or a bad person if you bend your knees in a forward fold. You are just as much a yoga student as the next person because you showed up on your mat.

I’m not saying everyone should do yoga. I’m just saying everybody and every body can do yoga.

The Balancing Act of a Jam Packed Life

Kaitlyn Rose

9 Mar, 2022

You’re on a tight rope. Your lower body is wobbling and you have a ten gallon bucket in one hand labelled “have to do” and a tea cup in the other called “want to do”. And in that tea cup is a little piece of paper labelled “sleep”.

This is what life looks like some days. You were balanced at some point. So, you took on things you loved to do: a passion project you’d always wanted to start, quality time with your partner every night, a new hobby that you’re finally getting good at. But at some point, probably around June 2021, your free time started shrinking. You’re back in the office, your weekends are filled with family obligations, weddings, time with friends. The passion project is left unfinished, your hobby gets put on the shelf, time with loved ones is less of a given and becomes something you have to plan for.

Since things “opened back up”, I’ve been struggling with balance. During lockdown, I wrote a novel, hiked most weekends, exercised more regularly, and learned to cook. So when my schedule began to fill up again, I wasn’t prepared. That’s not to say I wasn’t happy about seeing my family and friends again and that the threat of serious illness dwindling wasn’t a huge load off. But I’d grown accustom to living my life a certain way, and as an introvert, I kind of thrived in terms of my hobbies and alone time. But priorities changed, as they should have.

I started yoga teacher training in January, which takes a lot of time out of my schedule. It requires two weekends a month of 12 hour in-person training as well as daily at home practice and studio class attendance. I knew it was going to be a big commitment, and I’m so excited to be certified, but this chipped away at my time for other obligations. Then I began physical therapy. I won’t get into the details, but I’m tending to a long-standing injury that I don’t want to have to deal with anymore. That’s two more hours a week. On top of work and social occasions, I felt like I could take on no more.

But then the most wonderful thing happened: my now fiancé, Kevin, asked me to marry him.!And of course, I said yes! In the midst of love and excitement, we are planning a wedding. At first, all other commitments flew out of my mind. For four days, I thought of nothing but my love for him, the beautiful ring he put on my finger, and the overwhelming nature (in both a wonderful and stress-inducing way) of planning to host a celebration with 150 + of your closest friends and family.

And I was sure I could handle it all because it’s all so important to me. But I had a moment last night, a physical metaphor, if you will. I was tired after physical therapy but I still had my hour of yoga to do. I didn’t want to do it; I wanted to go to sleep. But I turned on a virtual class and did my best. I got to a balancing pose. Tree pose. But I couldn’t balance. My foot kept slipping, I couldn’t focus my sight. I dropped my foot and cursed at myself. This isn’t how I want this time to go. I want to feel excited by yoga, by strengthening my body, by planning the celebration for me and my future husband. I’m going to find a way to balance and make it all work and be happy about everything I have going for me. And hopefully work on my tree pose in the meantime.

So, I’m doing this exercise with you, my readers, and I hope you’re able to find some balance in whatever circus act you’re performing.

Make a list of priorities. (This is not the same as a to do list, although it can look a little like that.)
Is there anything on there that’s low priority? Would you be okay skipping it all together or delegating it to someone else? (i.e. ordering take out for dinner, asking for help from a friend)
Note the minimum amount of time you plan to spend on each of your top priorities. Is there somewhere you can cut down time? (i.e. ordering groceries online instead of going to the store, do laundry while you watch a movie with your partner)
Separate list into finite items and infinite items. Finite meaning there is an end date, infinite meaning things that are on going. Can certain things take a back burner until other goals are accomplished?
Write down why each thing is important. When we start to see things as “have to” instead of “get to”, it can be really easily to dread the thing we once loved to do! Even if that thing is “go to work” and you don’t love your job, list the reasons why going to work is worth while (provides money for the life you want to live, personal fulfillment, love your co-workers).
If you’re working toward a goal, like I am with my yoga training, make each time you practice a little special. Put on music, light a candle, romanticize what you’re doing. Picture yourself with that goal completed, write down what you hope to feel and what this goal would mean to you.
Think about things that take up time in your day that don’t serve you. Social media is a big one. Do you find rest in scrolling instagram for four hours a day? Probably not, so use that time to either do one of your hobbies, or if you just need rest, then actually rest. (This one is mostly a critique on my own habits, but I’m sure I’m not the only one.)
Make a schedule, either daily or weekly. While this may make your priorities seem like obligations, you may see when you’ve scheduled too many days in a row with no source of personal enrichment. Or if you know you have a long day at the end of the week, you can plan ahead and make that day go more smoothly.

This last point goes hand in hand with routines. I will make a post at a later date about morning and nighttime routines, but they can be a great way to set yourself up for a better day/week. In a morning routine, you want to prep for your day ahead: drink a cup of coffee, wash your face, stretch, have a healthy breakfast. Nighttime routines tend to be more set up for a better morning and more adequate sleep: meal prep, cleaning up, meditation, unplugging from screens. Whatever your routines, make them work for your priorities and your time line.

Balance isn’t something you achieve; it’s something you work at. Because sometimes life throws surprises at us and they can be good or not so great, but if you think about what’s important to you and make time for things that bring you joy, peace, and love, the times where life isn’t as predictable won’t be as jarring.

Life changes all the time and your plate may fill or empty on a dime. Sometimes you think you can’t possibly fit another thing on your plate, but then someone brings out your favorite slice of pie and you just have to make room. So take a deep breath, find your footing, and dig in.

Barefoot in the Park - Connecting With The Earth for Improved Overall Health

Kaitlyn Rose

23 Feb, 2022

Do you remember those summer nights when you’d be running in the yard past dusk, feeling the earth beneath your bare feet as you squatted down to scoop fireflies off blades of grass? If you grew up in a city or just never experienced this before, picture it for a moment. Picture yourself as a child: unburdened by what’s to come, unbothered by the dirt between your toes. You breath in the warm night air of summer and beg for five more minutes outside before your mom calls you back inside.

We need to stop thinking of playing outside as a childhood activity. Time spent with nature is a lifelong resource we should embrace and cherish. There are studies that show time spent outdoors, whether shoe-clad or not, can be incredibly beneficial to both physical and mental health.

I saw a tweet recently that said “Seasonal depression seems fake until it’s randomly 50 degrees in March and you feel like you took a party drug.” (source: @thisisminenowk on Twitter). I can’t speak for everyone, but I know I never feel quite myself during the winter, and those faux-Spring days we get in New Jersey in February and March, a tease of what’s to come, can feel like a weight is being lifted. Not everyone is affected by seasonal depression, and more power to those people, but for those of us who are afflicted in any capacity, spending time outside can be beneficial. I wouldn’t recommend going barefoot with snow on the ground, but even if you’re bundled up, the sunshine on your face and some fresh air can increase the oxygen levels in your brain and, in turn, boost levels of serotonin (happiness hormones).

There are several theories as to why being in nature improves mental health. One hypothesis links our connection back to our ancient ancestors who relied on the earth to survive. Another hypothesis states that elements in nature trigger a physiological response that reduces stress hormones. A third posits that nature can replenish cognitive function and help concentration. And the fourth (last one I’ll talk about, I promise) is the emotion of awe. The idea that we are apart of something bigger than ourselves and that insignificance can take some of the pressure and stress we feel in the day to day. (source: APA.org)

Sunrise Mountain, Stokes State Forest, NJ

This last one I can personally attest to. I never feel more stress-free than when I’m on top of a mountain looking out for hundreds of miles. If you’re willing and able, I would highly recommend hiking as a mental and physical health practice.

Now you’re outside, embracing all the benefits nature has to offer. You’re breathing in that crisp, fresh air, it’s time to get your body moving! Whether you’re barefoot or not, walking (running, hiking skipping, yoga, hula-hooping) boosts endorphins (more happiness hormones – yay!) Physically, it’s good for the cardiovascular system (prevents heart disease), strengthens muscles, and can regulate the digestive system.

Now, I’m going to get a little hippy-dippy. I am a yogi, after all. There are seven energy centers in the body called “chakras”. When you’re in total mind-body-spirit alignment, your energy flows freely. But it’s safe to say it’s very rare that your flow of energy is unblocked all of the time. There are different excesses and deficiencies that can block the chakras and cause physical and mental issues. For today, I’ll just go over the root chakra or Mūlādhāra Chakra. It is located at the base of the spine and is the charka that links the physical body (external) with the spiritual body (internal). It’s main focus is physical needs — food, water, shelter — as well as things like self-esteem, integrity, and sense of belonging.(source)

So, if you’re feeling insecure, low energy, or restless, your root chakra may be unbalanced. It can manifest as anxiety, depression, apathy, and lack of zeal for life. For these ailments, connecting to the earth may be beneficial to rebalance the mūlādhāra. So while by itself it seems a bit trivial to say, “you have depression, go walk barefoot, you’ll feel better”, it is be one tactic that can curb those feelings. Not to mention doing something with the intention of making yourself feel better is you telling yourself you deserve to feel good, which is a big accomplishment.

But, whether you’re feeling great or you’re feeling low, there’s so much benefit to getting some fresh air and exercise. So when the weather peaks warm enough, and the sun is shining, kick off your shoes and run in the grass for the firefly-catching little kid that’s hiding down deep.

What is self-love? (Baby Don't Hurt Me)

Kaitlyn Rose

11 Feb, 2022

With Valentine’s Day coming up, I thought I’d dive into this crazy concept called “self-love”. It’s a fairly new term, certainly not something I’d heard of when I was in high school. Self-love would have equated to cockiness, being self-centered or self-absorbed. Compliments were expected to be deflected and deprecation was what was in vogue. It wasn’t until after college that I realized that I needed to become a person who loved herself. The alternative was isolation, low self-confidence and self-worth, and a constant feeling that something was wrong with me because I saw myself as different. I decided I was worth more than that.

So, that’s step number one in any self-love journey, just deciding you’re worth more. It’s easier said than done. Like any skill, it takes practice. So here’s a little exercise. It’s kind of cheesy, but try it anyway. The idea came from the movie “Bridge to Terabithia”. In context, the brother says a mean thing to his sister. The sister responds something like: “That was a put down, now you have to say two put ups!” Any time you have the urge to talk down about yourself, say two things about yourself that you love. It can be something you do with friends, too! Hold each other accountable for positive self-talk. Any time they say something bad about themselves, repeat the words of the little girl: “That’s a put down, now two put ups!”

Deprecating humor can seem like no big deal. In a way, it’s a coping mechanism for dealing with bigger issues like depression or other mental illnesses. But the more you tell yourself something, regardless if your intent is serious or not, you’re still letting those words seep in to your consciousness. We do it far more often than we realize. You left your lunch on the kitchen counter, so you say “I’m such an idiot”. You spend the day on the couch instead of working out, you say “I’m so lazy”. You stumble over your words in a meeting, you say “I’m so awkward”. You’re equating your mistakes or shortcomings with who you are as a person and it’s just not true. You left your lunch at home because you had ten other things on your mind, not because you’re an idiot. You laid on the couch all day because your body or your mind needed rest, not because you’re lazy. You stumbled over your words because you were nervous or temporarily lost focus, not because you’re awkward. You have to give yourself more credit, because you are human and humans are flawed by nature.

You wouldn’t call a co-worker or a friend an idiot if they forgot their lunch, you would offer them some of your own, or suggest you go out that day. You wouldn’t admonish your friend who worked all week and wanted to veg out on the couch for the day, you’d say “good for you, you deserve it.” You wouldn’t judge the person heading a meeting who maybe stumbled over a few words, you would at most, admire them for their bravery in public speaking, or at least be grateful for the brief pause to have time to jot down a note or fire off a text message. The message here is two fold: don’t say something to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your best friend; and people are not paying attention to you as much as you think.

The former is something I came to realize when someone I love very much struggled with an eating disorder. It was one of the hardest times in my life, to see someone I cared for and thought so highly of, think of herself as worthless. I’ve never been one to outwardly share my negative feelings about my body. That doesn’t mean they weren’t there. I kept those thoughts to myself because of shame, rather than confidence. But seeing her struggle so much, I realized the dire consequences my negative thoughts could have. I began to catch myself when I would think bad thoughts when I looked in the mirror, or when I ate something I wish I hadn’t. I learned so much from her, as she pulled herself through her greatest hardship. I learned that I too had the strength to jump my own hurdles. I realized how mean I was being to myself and worked to change my thoughts and behaviors. I’m by no means perfect with this, but my self-love meter is way higher than it was year ago.

The latter concept is one that is so freeing. You know how you’re constantly thinking about how you look or how you come off in front of others? Did they notice the pimple on my chin? Do they see how tired I look today? Everyone is thinking that same thing about themselves. So a little tough love: it’s not all about you. When you tell yourself you’re the reason bad things are happening or the little blemish you have is going to disgust someone, you’re giving yourself way too much credit. It’s good to hold yourself accountable for things (like mistakes you’ve made that might impact others, not things you can’t control or literally don’t matter like acne or the size of your jeans), but remember that in most cases, people are focused on themselves. Your guilt and your shame only hurts you. So, if you feel like you’ve done something wrong, work to fix it, or move on. I promise you, you’re doing more damage to yourself than you probably ever did to someone else.

The last thing I will end on is tied into self-care. The two go hand in hand, really. Take time to show yourself you’re worth more. And do it with love. Don’t spend ten minutes washing your face and putting on five different serums because you hate your skin, do it because they make you feel good and make your skin glow. Don’t work out because you hate your body, do it because endorphins feel good and strong bones and muscles will help you live a longer, healthier life. Again, this all takes practice. Find things you love doing. (This is not always synonymous with things you are good at.) Try a dance class, or a painting class. Try cooking something new (or order meal kits–great self-esteem booster when you can make something restaurant quality in your own kitchen!) Take a walk every day because sunshine and fresh air make you feel alive. Watch the corny television show because it makes you laugh. Erase the words “guilty pleasure” from your vocabulary. Whatever makes you feel good about yourself, do that thing in abundance.

Self-love is a constant practice. It’s not something you just do when your self-worth is in the toilet or you have time for a bubblebath once a month. It’s something that needs to be in the back of your mind all the time. Remind yourself every day that you’re your own best friend. Treat yourself with kindness and love yourself with reckless abandon.

Happy Valentine’s Day, friends! I hope you feel oh-so loved.

A Recharge in the Green Mountains

Kaitlyn Rose

7 Feb, 2022

The crunch of snow under a boot, food and drink shared with loved ones, the first belly laugh of one most precious, slow mornings and relaxing evenings. A weekend of quality time provided more refreshment than all the spa treatments in the world.

My sister, Maureen, moved to Vermont nearly five years ago. She was, and is my best friend, and it’s really hard being apart most of the time. But it’s also wonderful because when we get together, it’s like no time has past and we have nothing to do but catch up, giggle, and recharge our batteries with each other’s company. Maureen and her husband, Tim have a six month old son, my godson Milo. I hadn’t seen them since Thanksgiving and couldn’t wait to see how much Milo had grown and changed since our last visit.

Between getting Covid, working full time, and starting yoga teacher training, I have been in desperate need of a break. Not just a day off or a mental health day, but a complete escape. And no snow or ice or traffic was going to stop me from getting up there. And when I arrived, Maureen had a glass of red wine waiting for me and we sat and sipped while Milo sat (yes, he’s only six months and can sit on his own. He’s very advanced) and played with his toys between us.

There are moments when life feels overwhelmingly difficult; like all you want to do is crawl under the covers and sleep until you’re forced out of bed. When days are busy and even the thought of an unscheduled phone call seems impossible. When the dishes glare at you from the sink, when laundry taunts you from the hamper, when nothing seems to be easy. But with a glass of Pinot Noir in my hand and some of my favorite people by my side, the weight of the every day was lifted and blustered off with the falling snow.

The next day we bundled up and headed to Grafton Trails and Outdoor Center. Maureen had booked us a snow shoeing tour followed by local wine and cheese in the lodge. I’d never been show shoeing before. It seemed like one of those things you see in movies but people don’t actually do. In New Jersey, where I’m from, we get one good snow storm a year, if we’re lucky, followed by rain and chilly weather until late April. So, the opportunity for any snowy activity is few and far between.

Stepping into the woods in Grafton felt like a fairytale. We spent an hour admiring the fresh blanket of sparkling powder and the unsheathed treetops that pierced the sunny sky. Our tour leader, Sherri, paused at centenarian oaks and pine, postcard-perfect view points, and bonded our small group in the short time we had together. We moved slowly, the crunch of snow under oversized flippers our wintry soundtrack. Back at the lodge, Sherri poured us extra large glasses of wine, served us farm-fresh cheeses and spreads, and let us basked in the warmth of a crackling fire.

Everything for the rest of the trip was just easy. Earlier in the day, during Milo’s nap, Maureen and I played Rummkub a few times and she asked me “are you sure you okay with just doing this?”, making sure I was having a good time with my stay. Truth be told, sitting with my sister playing a board game was the most peace I’ve felt in a long time, even the rounds she beat me.

Life moves slower in Vermont. Everything is “about a half hour away” and it’s nice to just stay inside or play in the snow most of the time. Life at home is often one thing after another. Even moments of self-care (yoga, meditation, the occasional pedicure) have to be scheduled in. But oh, how blissful it was to have nothing to do and all the time in the world (if only for just forty-eight hours).

I begin my Monday, not stressed out or anticipating the next thing, but ready to take my day one step at a time. I sip my coffee, stretch out my sleepy muscles, and slow down the morning to a “snow shoe in the woods” pace.

Micro-Meditation: The Hustler's Guide to Sitting Still

Kaitlyn Rose

4 Feb, 2022

Sit on the ground, crossed legs, straight back, clear your mind. This is a very simplified version of what traditional meditation looks like. But what for some may seem a perfect rejuvenation of the mind, to others, may sound like twenty minutes of discomfort and unrest, distracted by the things left on their “to do” list. And this is due to lack of practice, in part, but also due to resistance to total surrender.

In most cases of real transformation, this type of self-care may not look like self-care at first. Why would you want to sit on the floor, anxious thoughts racing, reprimanding yourself for not meditating “correctly”? You must allow yourself to be a beginner. You can’t go from zero to one hundred and expect to be good at it the first time. Even more so, you will have trouble benefitting from the practice if you don’t believe in it. So on both accounts, I advise you to take baby steps.

I will walk you through a few little exercises that will make this time a bit easier and less stressful. Because you have enough stress in your life, meditation should by no means add to that.

Start with five minutes of just breathing. Take five minutes to sit in silence, with your phone in the other room, maybe some light instrumental music playing, and just focus on the sound of your breath. In those five minutes, remember you are choosing yourself. Don’t dwell on the thoughts that come, simply let them pass by, and come back to focusing on your breath.

One breath technique I find incredibly effective at reducing anxiety is called the Ujjayi (oo-jah-yee) breath, or ocean breath. Begin by taking a deep breath in through your nose. Contract the back of the throat and breathe out your mouth as if you were trying to fog up a mirror. Inhale again through the nose, but this time on your exhale, keep that contraction in the back of the throat and exhale through the nose. It should make a sound, like a whisper or the sound of ocean waves. Continue this breath. You may choose to count your inhales and exhales, trying to extend your exhales.

This breath is an effective tool to reduce anxiety in any setting, not just in meditation practice. It works on an evolutionary level—your body feels safe. If you were faced with a lion, you would be panting, breathing out your mouth, and your fight or flight instincts would kick in. But we aren’t fighting or fleeing from lions, most of us anyway. With the ujjayi breath, we are telling our brains that we are safe in our body and environment. So the “lion”—the work project you have to submit, or the guilt of a misspoken word—transforms into a “lamb” that you can approach with a calmer mind.

But what happens when your breath becomes second nature and your mind wanders to all those daunting tasks and thoughts? You may choose to practice a mantra. A mantra is simply a phrase that is repeated to aid in meditation. It can be tied to an intention, such as “Today, I chose myself.” Or maybe it’s even simpler, forgetting the ego completely.

“So hum” is a mantra often used in meditation. It mimics the sound of inhaling and exhaling. Focusing on a mantra can create ease in your meditation practice. Rather than telling yourself “don’t think of anything”, a pretty futile feat, you are giving yourself an alternative.

You can also find an image that aids in your meditation. Maybe you picture waves ebbing and flowing, matching your ocean breath. Maybe you think of a color you find calming. Maybe you visualize your diaphragm, expanding and deflating with each breath.

If you’ve tried these things and you decide they aren’t working for you and you’d rather just give up, use a guided meditation. It will guide your mind to different places, giving you something to focus on besides how bad you are at meditating. (This is not to say that you are, this just may be what is going through your mind as you count down the minutes until you can get up and move again.) Below, I’ve linked a couple of guided meditations that I’ve found beneficial.

The last bit of advice I can give is this: be gentle with yourself. Like anything else, meditation takes practice. It takes dedication. It may seem easier to just distract yourself with your twenty minutes of free time — watch Netflix, scroll on your phone, read a book. And all those things are fine, but you aren’t truly giving your mind rest. These things produce dopamine, which feels good, but when the dopamine runs out, you go back to feeling tired and burned out. (Kara Lowentheil, UnF*ck Your Brain Podcast Ep. 223.) Practicing to quiet the mind and sitting with the uncomfortable feelings can give you true rest. It can make you realize that the “never stop hustling” attitude isn’t sustainable or really beneficial. That isn’t to say that the end goal of meditation is to hustle more. You may feel more energized from it and that’s great, but the ability to slow down without guilt is a skill that will create a more balanced you, regardless of your productivity levels.

It is a great achievement to stop, to sit still, if only for five minutes, to allow your mind and body some much needed rest.